"Fight" With Others Or "Harmony" With Others?

Xiao teacher: Hello!

I am a junior student. I am a very introverted student in high school. My friends are just a few of them.

After I went to college, I showed myself positively and made a lot of contributions to myself. At this time, a student beside me also loved to show himself. So the relationship between the two of us became a competitive relationship. Whatever we do, we are all rivals in competition. Every day, we do not focus our energy on learning, but we all come up with the limelight, and my personality is very strong. Every day we see who speaks more and who says better. At that time, I was really messed up, and my daily brain was trying to speak a few more wonderful words than he did.

Really, it is such a foolish idea. Every day, I am very unhappy, but every day I fight with him.

This is a letter written to me by a college student named Xiao Song. From a psychological point of view, Xiao Song's fear of nervousness can be called "social phobia". People with social phobia are eager to interact with others, but they dare not openly communicate with others equally. They are always being left out and ridiculed by others. When communicating, they often can't help but appear blushing, heartbeat, incoherent, confused and so on. So many times and repeatedly, they have strengthened their inferiority complex and eventually led to "social phobia".

The root of inferiority complex in patients with social phobia is psychological negative self suggestion. Its formation is mainly caused by subjective reasons except for some objective reasons such as discrimination and setbacks.

Inferiority is due to the loss of objective and accurate evaluation of oneself. Self abased people are self belittling at the same time, for fear that their colleagues and classmates alike will despise themselves. Xiao song feels that he has lost the so-called "glory" with his "opponent" and thinks that everyone else despises himself. Therefore, those who feel inferior are often extremely sensitive and shy.

Self confidence can eliminate fear, withdrawal, and suspicious psychology. With self-confidence, it can no longer defend itself too much; it can respect oneself with self-confidence; it can also respect others like self respect; it will not be laughed at by other people's performance, and can not be laughed at by oneself; with self-confidence, it will have its own pursuit, without fear that others will cover up their own luster; with self-confidence, they can have boundless enthusiasm, care and understanding of others; with self-confidence, they can accept their weaknesses and accept and tolerate other people's weaknesses as well; with self-confidence, they can appreciate other people, instead of always watching people disagreeable and always want to fight with others. Obviously, self-confidence is the root of handling interpersonal relationship well.

It can be seen that for Yu Xiaosong, we must establish self-confidence, recognize our own advantages, and actively encourage and imply ourselves in our interactions. Only when we first accept ourselves, can we be naturally generous and free in communication.

Xiao Song's mental illness was born out of hostility and rejection to others. Because he did not allow or accept the progress of others, he became a "hell". They focused their attention on worrying about the progress of others, and fighting with others rather than fighting, rather than how they should strive to succeed. This is precisely a typical mentality and way of thinking of the unconfident person. Such a psychological disorder has naturally made him unable to study and live normally.

Learning to cooperate, being good at cooperation with others, and having the ability to interact with people and solve interpersonal conflicts are the basic premise for a person's survival and an important life skill.

In fact, people live in the universe, and are mixed up in the outside world. What we need is to fight with people instead of people. What we need is to be friends instead of enemies. Each one of us should cultivate our awareness and ability of human interaction, be able to adapt to any environment, be good at communicating with others, cooperate with others, understand and respect others, and experience the interdependence between people and the joy of living together.

So it is important for Xiao Song to learn to get along well with others, to cultivate love and to help others. Only by cultivating friendship can we experience the warmth of friendship. Only by offering love can we be moistened by the love of others. The relationship with our classmates is not the enemy of each other, but the comrades in the same trench. Helping others can not only optimize their psychological environment, but also improve themselves.

I want to tell Xiao Song that if your glory is gone by others, it can only prove that the brilliance has not really belonged to you. If a person can become your mirror, let you see it all the time, and let you know your own value while understanding your limitations, you should thank him. It is he who inspires you. The important thing is not whether you are stronger or weaker than yourself, but whether you are getting stronger and progresses day by day.

If you want to do something in an infinitely large world, the vision must not be confined to your own side. You will gain more if you do not deviate from the main battlefield for your narrow emotions.

Kafka wrote at the end of his motto "he": "he does not ask for anything. He only asks himself. His only proof is himself." yes, the way we use to prove ourselves is not jealousy and exclusion, not self blame and self abandon, but with his own words and deeds, with his every step, to prove himself by his own life.

Thank you for your opponent, then bite him and run forward together.